i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
