Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
