I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
