im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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