Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
