I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My feet surprised me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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