So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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