um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
