you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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