My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
