when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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