dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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