I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
