I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
