did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
