You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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