Your tits are I can't wait for
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
