Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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