Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
