I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
