how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
