First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
