her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
