i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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