you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
