Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
