You really coming over, don't trick.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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