Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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