My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
