YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
