Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
