She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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