just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it glows. i had to have it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
