This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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