# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
