Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
