Nicole vs. Life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Boobs are out for the taking
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
