Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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