in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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