I will die if light touches me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
