I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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