So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
