I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
