yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
