Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
