it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
