who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
