I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
