Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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