I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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