Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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