Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
