It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
