glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
