Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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