I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
