I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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