Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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